Randomness in the Big Apple
by aishah
Summary: Don't be offended. Anything goes in New York. Based on the true cells of a brain.
1. Chapter 1

I made many words from three words and here they are. I don't own anything. Constructive Critisms are welcomed. Leave an e-mail address and I'll personally send a chapter 2 alert. Kisses!

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There was once a king. He was a king whose favorite past time is to drink and indulge in marvellous gin. His name was Detective Mac Taylor. No one ever asked him how his name came to be, it just did.

One fine day, the king of New York, Detective Mac Taylor, drank his gin in complete silence at an ice skating rink. It was so quiet that the din itself sounded rather noisy already. So there he was, minding his own business sipping his gin when suddenly, he fell off his rig that was in the rink into the ice rink. The ice which had started to melt started to thaw onto his magnificent coat. Unknowingly, his rings on his fingers all fell off, one by one onto the ice, each making a clink sound as it did.

A little rat was nearby. Well, it was not really THAT little at all, since it had a rather furry head and huge paws. This rat's name was Flack. He came from a family of very famous rats in New York, dating all the way back from the rat pack in Vegas to the Great Migration of the Rats to the Apple in the 1960s. Well, little Flackie here decided that he should walk around the rink to see if there were any leftover popcorns or bits of salmon that he could get his huge paws on. It was a hereditary thing. The paws, I mean. He saw the now dead king on the ice and sniffed him. Then, very cautiously little Flackie took a small bite of horse mane trimmings on the king's coat.

At that very same moment, a very weak and wet Sheldon Hawkes had just walked in to the ice skating rink from the public swimming pool next door and was just starting to walk over to the DB when he skidded on the ice with his very thin overcoat. He skidded right till the feet of Danny Messer, who stood grandly over the now majestic-looking and dead body.

It is very interesting to note that at one point, Danny's kit got stuck in a fish net for two weeks in the Pacific Ocean. He kicked up such a fuss that the lab dutifully anointed him the Drama Queen of the Lab. Another interesting fact is that besides the Drama Queen of the Lab title, Danny also won the Wittiest Words of a Worker for 3 months in a row, and the only person ever to have been that successful or popular for that title was none other than Mister Sid Hammerback, who at one time double dated Stella and Aiden. Sid, Sid.

Where were we? Oh yes. Danny had actually run all the way from the lab to the crime scene and managed to stabilize his body's inertia at the right place. Upon reaching the scene, he immediately weaned Flack, now the evidence, off the evidence, which was the horse mane trimmings.

Suddenly, the smell of sunflowers wafted to everyone's olfactory receptors.

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To be continued. 


	2. Chapter 2

This chapter is specially dedicated to my one and only reviewer, leftyguitar. Isn't the update SOON? The next chapter may be dedicated to YOU!

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It was none other than Stella Bonasera, who had just flown in from the land of fish roe with some white roses in her hands when she heard the news. An interesting fact about Miss Bonasera is that she had just beaten Lindsey Monroe, no connection whatsoever to Marilyn Monroe, in a Lowest Cut (for Top) contest back at the lab. It was a very close shave between the two detectives after Jane was disqualified from the competition for wearing a coat most of the time, even though the coat accentuated her figure. Maybe next time, Jane.

"No!"Stella whispered softly as she made her way to the middle of the ice rink. "Oh, what woe! And here I have some fish roe for Mac!" She sniffled and wiped her nose with the roses. "And I see he had some gin for you," exclaimed the now shivering Hawkes, ignoring the fact that he was stating something so obvious. "Sure," spat Danny, staring evilly at Stella. "Save the good gin for the ladies!" He started cooing Flack, who was, at this time, a rat. Evidently he was trying to erase the envious feeling that had crept up to him so unwillingly. Hmm. Does Mister Messer have a crush on his boss? Is it acceptable for one to think in such a way, even though the king of New York is arguably the most handsome of them all?

Meanwhile, Lindsey surfed in with a smooth flow on her Sun, which was the name of her surfboard. She surfed on the now melting ice. Why is the ice melting, you ask? Well, it could be due to the warm temperature of the enclosed ice rink and the obvious lack of a Zamboni.

The always-ready-to-have-fun country girl was having some ferns in her hair, which she immediately took out as a sign of respect and left it at Mac's side, brushing the horses' mane. "Now this is something new," She said, straightening up. What she hadn't noticed was that Stella was now eyeing her enviously; as Lindsey had openly flirted with the king of New York several times already.

When Lindsey turned away to check out Flackie, who was now being squished to death due to cuteness by Danny, Stella immediately took out a box of matches and lighted them. Pulling the ferns away from her dearly beloved, she tossed the matches with them and watched it writher away in a most sadistic manner. Sigh. The things investigators do for love.

The ferns were almost fully combusted on the ice when suddenly…BANG!

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To be continued… 


	3. Chapter 3

This chapter is dedicated to leftyguitar and adamsgirl. If you guys still want to read more chapters, say so, okay? I wasn't planning for more chapters after this one. I won't be offended, I promise. ;)Leave notes, to those of you who haven't!

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Did that sound like a gunshot to you? Maybe it was just a flower pot falling from the Empire State Building…Nah, it was just Mr. Sid Hammerback from the morgue.

Hmm. I wonder. What is HE doing in an ice-skating rink, of all places? Could it be because he can smell a dead body miles away? Mac Taylors' body WAS rotting, after all.

Nope.

"MINE!" Sid hissed, running straight for Danny Messer, who was still holding Flackie Wackie. Lindsey, who could smell conflict a mile away crept away to Stella and Hawkes, who were now on the seats. Sid snatched Flackie from Danny's hands.

"Why you nit picking nit!" said Danny, aghast that someone would try to destroy the close relationship that he had been building with the rat with huge paws. Danny was clearly hurt. He was pissed off. No one was going to date Flack without his permission, not even the hot and sultry Aiden Burn or Mister Sid Hammerback(-Bonasera)!

Danny jumped on Sid. Sid lost his balance and both of them fell to the ice. Yes, both of them. While Danny was messing around with his thoughts, Flackie Wackie, being the brightest non-CSI in the unit stole away to sniff a sunflower Stella had dropped outside the rink.

"Cat fight in a wet ice rink? Me likey!" says Stella. So she, Lindsey and Hawkes settled in for some Sid-Danny fun while eating the fish roe. Lindsey managed to slip some gin from the king of New York.

"Hey Hawkes, do you want some gin?" she offered to the only non-fighting male other than Flackie. Hawkes gave no answer and continued what he was doing.

What WAS he doing? Having a manicure? Looking for zits? Sheldon Hawkes was sitting next to a seat full of roses Stella bought. He was plucking the petals off, oblivious to the din around him, mumbling, "I'll get a rise…I won't get a rise…I'll get a rise…I won't get a rise…" You get my drift.

The quiet din was now noisy.


End file.
